STEPS ONE THROUGH THREE The Rockstar Regime may sound easy. But it ain't. To be a Rockstar one must work hard. To be a Rockstar one must work hard. I am making sure that sets in by repeating it. I am making sure that sets in...ha ha! You all thought Nate hired a magpie for his fitness queries! But no, it's me. I have a few steps Nate must endure in order to fully reach Rockstar Status. I have taken into consideration many criteria: including his songs, his temping lifestyle, his location in the Woodside Manor, his Indian Name (Smokes-like-Wigwam-on-Fire) and his predisposition to buy unsightly, hideously-awful Matchbox 20 CDs (i realize it is somewhat sacreligious to make fun of a rockstar. but I will forever draw the line at Matchbox 20. I don't care who you are). OKay, here are some steps for the Rockstar Fitness Regime: (nate may take them. he may not. i am just using what knowledge i have to perhaps help): STEP ONE--CURTAILING CARPAL As a fellow sufferer of the dreaded carpal, I know what pain, pain an dmore pain the dreaded disease can cause. to use my new favorite phrase, it blows. Man, does it blow. it-b-b-b-blows. Unfortunately, besides surgery, there is not much one can do to "cure" carpal. This is why Nate needs to travel to the nearest Duane Reade (or "Ready") and pick himself up some two Futuro Brand braces. These will both help him at work to type sans sharp, shooting pain. Taking numerous doses of advil throughout the day will help somewhat too. And maybe also alleviate any headaches he may be having because of cohorts at work who incessantly speak of Energy Circles and Fatsy Footsies. But, to quote (R.I.P.) mary reardon, I digress... Furthermore, the combo of the braces and advil will certainly help protect Nathan's wrists and forearms which are very much needed for jammin guitar (when was the last time you saw a guitarist play with his/her feet?). his finger-picking in "i'm not the one" and jam-a-lammin' in "ain't got nothing" require his forearms and wrists to be carpal-free. STEP TWO--PIPE DREAMS Nathan has begun his regimen of push-ups. Push-ups are the most comprehensive upperbody exercise one can do!! (Can you tell they excite me?). Nate will use his pectorals, triceps, biceps, anterior deltoids, rear deltoids and even his rectus abdominals with every push-up pushed. "Pipes" are necessary for those tight Vandal In, Vandal Out shirts he may or may not want to wear, where the bicep is busting out of the constricting cotton. STEP THREE--CANCELLING OUT CIGARETTES Okay, I'm living in a dream-world, of which i am aware, but I believe one can push oneself very hard, cardio-speaking, despite the fact that one may smoke a lot of smokes. There is nothing like a good, hard, run to "negate" the soot and ash in your lungs. This is what i prescribe for Nathan. He needs to do some hard cardio in order to combat his Indian Name. He may also want to save time and do a circuit workout that incorporates both push ups AND running!!! He lives in lovely Woodside, which would be a perfect place to work on his aerobic-capacity, while simeultaneously perking up his pipes. Why not start out with a 30-minute workout? do a five minute jog as a warm up. then do a interval/circuit workout for the next 25 minutes, going in cycles. like try repeating this five minute cycle: 1 minute: moderate jog 2nd minute: hard-assed jog 3rd minute: push-ups hardcore 4th minute: hard-assed jog 5th minute--moderate jog the is, in the A.C.E. world an imaginary chart called the PRE Chart. This stands for Perceived Rate of Exertion. It goes from 1-10. You should be asking yourself, when working out your heart, how hard you feel you are working on a scale of 1-10. For instance, for the "moderate jog", you may be between a 4 and 6 on the PRE. Whereas for the hard-assed, it would be 6-8. Maybe 9. But try and steer clear, for the most part from 9 and 10. When you are working yourself at this level, it makes you more prone to injury. Mechanics become less important and beingaware of your body "mechanics" is what keeps you injury-free. repeat the five minute interval five times. something like this. two birds one stone, you see. stay tuned for steps 4-6.
|